Dear Fan Fiction,
by David Noklevername
Summary: The characters would like to talk to you. From the Keyblade Wielders, to the Disney stars, to the Nobodies. Complete!
1. Signed, Zexion

Dear Fan Fiction,

Despite what you may think, I am not 'emo'.

I am the master of illusion. I could make you see magical happy unicorns (which, admittedly, probably exist in one of these damn Disney worlds), but I do not have emotions. I do not have the Heart needed for it to 'break', therefore making me 'emo'.

Signed, the master of illusion, Zexion. 


	2. Signed, Xemnas

Dear Fan Fiction,

I am not a homosexual, you idiots!

Yes, my name is rather unfortunate, but you do not need to be snickering teenage girls! Hell, most of you are, but you can be mature!

Saix is just a co-worker. If we had hearts, we may have been friends. No, do not take that as a loving remark, you idiot!

Signed, Mansex- I mean, Xemnas. STOP SNICKERING BACK THERE, DEMYX!

P.S., which world do you live in? Xigbar has not had many living targets lately, and he's getting rather restless. 


	3. Signed, Captain Jack Sparrow

Dear Legions of Fan Girls o' Mine,

I one hundred percent approve of what you're doin'!

Most otha' characters writin' to ya hate that shipping stuff, but I love it! You may not know this, I'm somethin' you call 'bi-sexual', so I can get paired with anyone, hahahahahahaha!

Signed your's truly, Captain Jack Sparrow!

P.S., now, get to ya keyboards and get writin'! Anyone mind writin' a three-way with me, that Aerith girl, and Cloud? Hahahahahahahaha!

* * *

** Hey, not all of 'em are angry! Please review! If you send a message specifically for a character, I will answer it in-character.**


	4. Signed, The Heartless

Dear Prey- I mean, fan fiction,

Stop being so damned rude to us!

WE HAVE BRAINS. We are still people. We are literally made out of hearts. We deserve to be love interests, too! Yet again, WE. ARE. LITERALLY. MADE. OF. HEARTS.

Bet you didn't know that Darkside likes puppies, huh? Well, now you do. We may still participate in your crappy fan fiction as fodder for your Mary Sue protaganist, if you're nice.

Signed, the Shadow.

P.S. Big Body, the Heartless that typed this (I can't type. I mean, look at my fingers!) would like you to stop calling him fat. And to give him a new name.

* * *

** Thanks for reading! Please review and check out my other stuff. Special thanks to Mirae-no-Sakai, for all the reviews, and for remembering this fic, like, three months after it was deleted.**

** And, before anyone asks, I'm saving Roxas and Sora for later. I'm not using them yet. I mean, there are only so many characters that would have anything to say, so, when I nearly run out of ideas, I'll have them to use, and you can see that I'm almost done.**


	5. Signed, Axel

Dear Fan Fiction,

C'mon, people! I'm not a pedophile! And I'm DEFINITELY not gay! Am I not allowed to have friends without havin' sex with 'em?! Guess you losers don't actually know what having a friend is like!

If you're gonna pair me, pair me with a chick! And not a Mary Sue. A girl with actual personality! I'd love an asian chick, those aren't really in fan fiction. Shit, send me to China- I mean, the Land of Dragons! (Why do we even call it that?! We all know it's China.)

Signed, the man who could literally burn your f cking face off, Axel.

P.S., got it memorized? 


	6. Signed, Gaston

Dear Ladies and/or wussy men,

Why the hell am I not in your wussy wuss game, Kingdom Whatever the Hell?! Why can't that duck thing and that key guy and that retarded dog help ME storm that Beast's Castle?!

I'm a hero! I've spent the last like, three games guarding Baguette Town (That's what happens when nobody gives a town a real name!) from those little Heart thingies! I need to save my future wife- I mean, Bella from that Heartless Beast!

Signed, GASTON!

P.S., Nobody rants like Gaston! 


	7. Signed, Captain Gantu

Dear Humans,

I have recieved word that you have written numerous stories that involve the rogue experiment 626, who you know as 'Stitch'.

Unfortunately, you have commonly described him as a 'Hero' and a 'Lovable Scamp'. He is not either. He is a destructive force that can, and will, attack and kill numerous less powerful beings.

Now, if you would please write a 'fic' in which the Galactic Federation may succesfully capture and destroy 626, I will send you a puny human 'gift basket'. It will have numerous fine cheeses, fruits, weaponry, and a copy of 'Song of the South', of which all copies the Disney Corporation have launched into space.

Thank you and goodbye, signed, Captain Gantu of the Galactic Federation.

**DAMN. Sorry for the long hiatus... I've been busy with a couple things. Other stories, procrastinating, stuff like that.**

**I'm gonna try to get back to updating daily. Or at least weekly.**


	8. Signed, Deadpool Bitches!

Greetings, True Believers!

Hey hey hey, it's Deadpool all up in this bitch- I mean, crappy fan fiction! Now, I have a question for y'all... WHY AM I ONLY IN ONE FAN FICTION?!

Who's the bestest merc with a mouth? DEADPOOL, BITCHES! Disney bought out 'ol Lee, and now they are lucky enough to own ME, Deadpool! I'd understand not including like, Spider-Man. He sucks. BUT NOT ME.

Signed, the Merc with a mouth, DEADPOOL!

P.S., you have Sea-Salt Ice Cream. Sea Salt. Can't ya make me some Chimichanga Ice Cream? C'mon, Scrooge, you can do it!

P.P.S, why don't you give me another chapter, Noklevername? I have enough bitching material to get to chapter fifty!


	9. Signed, Cloud Strife

Dear Creepy Shipping Girls,

Um, hey. I'm REALLY angry right now, so I need to vent.

First of all, screw off Square Enix! It was good at first... I got some major character development in the first game, everyone liked it, I was a hero, I had like, three girl friends, and more!

Remember? Character development? Yeah. I had that. You teenage girls would know that if you bothered to, you know, PLAY MY FREAKING GAME!

You know, I was only emo for like, two hours in my game! But everyone LOVED my 'emo' thing, so that's all everyone remembered! What the Underworld?

Character. Development. Happened.

But noooooo! You decided to bring me back, and I was ecstatic! I would be re-introduced to the world, with a whole new generation of fans!

... Yet, they made me emo, and the fans saw me accordingly.

I'm telling you guys, I'm fine! No angst over here!

And don't even get me started on shipping... Why would I want an annoying Mary Sue when I'm in a universe where I have THREE hot girl friends!

Signed, Cloud Strife.

P.S., go away, Jack Sparrow! I'm not gay, just a little tiny bit feminine! I WORE A WIG ONCE! ONCE! 


	10. Signed, Jack Skellington

Dear Children of the Earth-World!

I am the Pumpkin King.

I am a (former) Sandy Claws.

I am the bane of Oogie Boogie's existence.

I am, however, NOT interested in getting a new girlfriend.

I love Sally to pieces (which she falls into a pile of, sometimes.). I am never going to leave her, especially for your "emo" self-Insert.

Thank you and goodbye, signed, Jack Skellington!

P.S., what is a 'Hot Topic', and why do I keep getting cheques from them?

**Thanks for reading! Sorry for the late update. Again. Tomorrow will be a character that nobody suspects! But here's a hint that spoils who it will be for the majority of Readers!**

** Who's, that, character?**


	11. Signed, Ash Ketchum

Dear Writing Trainers,

I'm sorry guys, I just don't belong here. I mean, I catch Pokemon, and I use them to fight other Pokemon (and Team Rocket, but that's a different story...), I don't fight Heartless. I wouldn't mind catching one, but I can't.

And I'm not gay. I know you guys like to make everyone gay, but I'm just... Not. (Don't tell Misty this but... I think I like her...)

So, anyway, I'm sorry, but, I don't want to be in anymore crossover fics, okay? Thanks!

Signed, Ash Ketchum. Not Ketchup. Ketchum.

P.S., There's a time and a place for every crossover, but this is not one! 


	12. Signed, Larxene

Dear IDIOTS!

I'M NOT JUST ANGRY! I HAVE OTHER EMOTIONS! SHUT THE HELL UP, AND GIVE ME A HAPPY FIC! I LOVE F CKING PUPPIES!

... NOT IN THAT WAY.

Signed, the amazing Mistress of Lightning, Larxene.

P.S., maybe typing most of my letter in all caps doesn't help...

**Thanks for reading! At the time of this writing, we have over 2,500 views! That's, as you may assume, a metric f ck ton of views!**

**I'll try and get back to the daily updating schedule. Though if that doesn't work, I'll establish a four-days-a-week schedule.**


	13. Signed, Chernabog

DEAR MORTALS!

I AM JUST AS ANGERED AS YOU ARE! I WAS THE ORIGINAL VILLAIN OF THE KINGDOM HEARTS FRANCHISE! YET I WAS SCREWED OUT OF MY ROLE BY YOU BISHONEN CRAPS OF ANTAGONISTS! I'M TALKING TO YOU, ANSEM, OR XEMNAS, OR... WHOEVER THE HELL YOU ARE! THANKS TO YOU, ALL I AM IS A KICKASS MINIBOSS!

SIGNED WITH THE BLOOD OF SENTIENT MICE, CHERNABOG!

P.S., translated from the language of hell by Big Body and Shadow. Apparently, Big Body is named 'Dan' now. I still need a name, though. RUN TO YOUR KEYBOARDS, CRAPPY FAN FICTION WRITERS! 


	14. Signed, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit

Dear Readers,

Hey, buds! You probably don't know me, I'm pretty obscure. I've been trapped in the Wasteland for decades! I really love fan fiction!

Wanna know why? It shows that you recognize me! If you keep making fan fiction with me in it, I might get a full Heart, and I'd finally get outta the Wasteland, so I could bring entertainment to you folks again, and maybe get a job with my pal and brother, Mickey!

Signed with love, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit!

P.S., can you PLEASE include my lovely Ortensia in your next fic? I love her so much, I'd never want to leave without her...

**Hey, everybody! This is pretty much one of my favorite chapters so far. I really wish they'd include Oswald as a party member in the next _Kingdom Hearts_. I also hope that they bring back party members, but give them better AI.**

**I should really use less characters that never appear in the games...**

**And, everybody, please play the _Epic Mickey_ franchise! It's one of my favorite franchises, and I own every game in the series. Sucks that _Epic Mickey 3_ probably won't come out.**

**You know, I'm suprised there isn't any more _Epic Mickey _fan fiction...**


	15. Signed, Darth Vader

In regard to your 'fan fiction',

I am rather honoured of you young writers attempting to put the Sith, and, most of all, I, Darth Vader, in a positive, or "badass" light.

Yet I am not interested in pursuit of the Keyblade, nor taking over other worlds... Yet. I shall wait until my universe has been conquered by the Empire before I venture to others.

Signed, warrior of the Empire, Darth Vader.

P.S., I am still in possesion of the Soul Calibur, a weapon that could annihilate any "Keyblade Wielder".

**Well, I did a Marvel character a few chapters back, so I might as well include a Lucas Arts character!**

**I have heard ideas for a crossover between Kingdom Hearts and Star Wars on the internet, and I personally think it's a great idea. I'd read one. Hell, I may even WRITE one at one point! The opinions of the characters in the story don't always reflect mine, you know.**


	16. Signed, Lexaeus

Dear Fan Fiction,

I exist. I may not be important (though this saved me from Fandom Hearts), feminine looking, nor a lovable rogue, BUT I EXIST.

Signed, Lexaeus. 


	17. Signed, Xaldin

Dear Fan Fiction,

Despite the views of both you Writers and that narcissistic Frenchman, in the continuity of 'Kingdom Hearts', I AM key in the story of Prince Adam.

I am the one who nearly took control of the vile Beast. I am the one who attacked and nearly defeated the Keyblade Wielder Sora. I am the one who was involved in a whole five missions in '358 Days Over 2'. And I am the one who... I don't have much going for me.

Signed, the Master of the Winds, Xaldin.

P.S., what Lexaeus said.

**Good news, everyone! We now, as of this writing, have: 52 reviews (let's see if we can get it to 100 reviews before chapter 50!), 4,261 views, 20 followers, and 13 favorites! That's an awesome milestone!**

**Chapter dedicated to Little King, who should freaking log in so I can reply to his reviews, answering his questions and comments.**


	18. Signed, OCs

Dear Fan Fiction Parody Writers,

We're not ALL bad. We have been major parts of brilliant pieces of fiction, from horror to comedy to, (despite what you may believe, can be of quality in fan fiction), romance.

We have been many different things, not just Keyblade Wielders or love interests. We have been maniacle villains, daring allies, and much more.

So, in conclusion, we're not all bad.

Signed, the O.C.s of the Fan Fiction community.

P.S., though some of us do suck. We don't like them either. So we don't invite those Mary Sues and Gary Stus to our annual trip to Disney World. The emo ones cut themselves, it's hilarious.

**Well, that's my two cents on the subject of OCs. Though, in my view, about half, mayb**e **more than that, are awful. Hell, my first fan fiction (a _Kingdom Hearts_ fic, not on . Right now.) had a blatant Gary Stu as the main character.**

**I think I'm gonna take a bit of a break on this story (except this time I'm announcing it first!), and I'll tell you why. First of all, I write a couple chapters in advance, unlike most of my stories, so I can still attempt to keep up a daily chapter. I need more time to write those chapters, and to make them not shitty. Second, my other stories (which I'd appreciate you checking out) need updates too.**

**Though this is one of my most popular stories, and I really appreciate the support of you fan guys and girls. Please, if you have the time, review!**


	19. Signed, Scrooge McDuck

Dear Lasses and Laddies,

Now, now, pallies, why are there none of those 'fan fiction' thingies with me in 'em? I was a World Traveller ya know!

I talked to apes in the Deep Jungle! I outperformed the Sues! I sold liamas in an Incan Kingdom! I spat like Gaston, I matched wits with Gaston (but that's not too hard!)! I helped find Atlantis! And that was just two weeks of my journey!

Though, I have now settled down in my new home of Hollow Bastion... But hey, my adventures can't be over yet! I heard St. Canard is a nice place to visit...

Signed with honor, Scrooge McDuck.

P.S., I'm sorry Mr. Deadpool, but I don't think chimichonga ice cream has much of a market.

... Don't call me that, Wade! It's McDuck! 'D', not 'F'!

**Okay, three things:**

**St. Canard is the setting of the Disney cartoon _Darkwing Duck_.**

**'Wade' is Deadpool's first name.**

** And, yeah, despite saying that I'm going on hiatus, I updated today. The next update will be on the 23rd, maybe a bit sooner.**


	20. I Get Another Chapter! Suck it, Duck!

Dear Bitches,

(... Again...)

Hey, hey, hey, it's average weighted Deadpool, here to give you another one of my kid friendly morals! Come over here and let me tell ya a story, Huey Duey and that third one!

Once upon a time, there was every fan fiction writer ever! They got this popular series, and it ran on for awhile! Like, let's say, twenty! She, or a very wussy he, had a lot of fun writing this piece 'o crap story, and the unwashed masses loved reading it!

BUT OH NO! DISASTER STRUCK! Every Writer Ever had ran out of ideas, GASP! So, he started reusing the characters and storylines of his older chapters!

And then everyone flipped the table, because all of you nerds on the internet have anger issues, and vowed never to read the story again!

And then the Author killed himself! Theeeee end! Don't you just love happy endings?

Signed, Deadpool, bitches!

P.S., DUCK YOU, SCROOGE! EVERYONE LOVES CHIMICHANGAS!

* * *

**Wooh, twenty chapters done! And I'm still just as crappy and unoriginal!**

**... Didn't I say I was taking a hiatus? I should probably start that. Please, favorite and review! And I mean both! I freaking love reviews! I'm just rambling at this point! YAAAAAAY!**


	21. Signed, Moogle, Kupo!

Dear Kupo,

WHERE ARE MY FAN GIRLS, KUPO?! I'm a Nobody too!

... You didn't know that? Wow, you need to stop saving the Worlds and pay more attention, Kupo! How in Tartarus did you think I got into Castle That Never Had a Cool Name- I mean, the Castle That Never Was?

I pulled a Scar! I made myself a Nobody! Why, you Kupos ask? Two reasons. One, I'm a salesman in a video game, I'm pretty much already heartless! Second, to double my business! My Heartless is a good salesman, Kupo!

Signed, the Moogle Nobody!

P.S., pay me or leave, Kupo! You owe me for that amazing chapter! I'll take four hundred Heart Points.

**Hey everybody! The hiatus is over, and I'm back to posting chapters!**

**Oh, and we're now up to sixty reviews! To celebrate this kinda-milestone, it's time for a CONTEST! PM me your 'Dear Fan Fiction' letter, and, if it fits into these rules, I'll post them! Here are the rules:**

**1. You can only give messages from Square Enix or Disney characters. (This includes their subsidaries.) I know that I had an Ash chapter, but this is mostly because I don't want to accidently be submitted a character that I don't even know.**

**2. These must be Teen Rated, or lower. I don't want to be submitted porn or a character being brutally murdered.**

**3. Unless it's really good, I won't accept a story from the review section.**


	22. Signed, Nobodies By Nobody 0

**By Nobody 0...**

Dear Fan Fiction,

We do exist well really non-exist. If you have a chapter for those putrid Heartless. You must have one for us. We are there better halves. We were the keyblade wielders challenge not to mention almost helped dominate the worlds. We would like to be in fan fictions to were we are noticed as civilized people unlike those disgustful Heartless. So please next time you put us in your fan fictions please do have us civilized and respectful

Sincerely, the Nobodies of Kingdom Hearts

P.S. why do you possess two chapters for those slimy creatures and not us?

**And this is the first contest entry, by Nobody 0! Though this counts as an official chapter, because I like taking credit for other people's work.**

**And, as a prize for submitting a non-shitty chapter, Nobody 0 get's a story request! GOOD FOR YOU!**


	23. Signed, Cloud II, by Hikari-Kurai

Dear Fan Fiction,

I am not emo. (No matter how much you want me to be.)

And I am not an angry, murderous person who wants to kick the asses everyone who crosses me or decides to look at me in a way that I thought was wrong. Think about it, when I have killed, it was for a pretty damn good reason. Like saving the world or protecting the lives of my friends when they were in danger.

The reason I keep to myself and am quiet is simply because not a lot of people are worth talking to, honestly. Plus, alone time is time where I can think and contemplate life and wonder why everyone thinks I'm gonna kill them.

I'm a peaceful guy, you know.

Signed,

Cloud Strife

P.S., I've seen the stories you "fangirls" or whatever have written about me in the romance genre, and what you make me do with my friends... I really think that you should re-evaluate your lives.

* * *

**Chapter by Hikari-Kurai! Thanks for entering, congrats, you get a FREE ONE-SHOT REQUEST! Yay.**


	24. Signed, Riku Replica

Dear Fan Fiction,

My name is Riku, I am Riku! I'm telling the truth! I am the hero who went through Castle Oblivion, and took the power of Zexion! I am Riku!

Signed, definitely Riku.

**Well, that chapter was crappy. In case you couldn't tell, I don't have much experience with the Riku Replica-**

I believe you mean "the true Riku".

**Um, yeah. The chapter's name is 'Riku Replica'. Soooooo…**

THE CHAPTER NAME LIES! LIIIIIIES!

… **I'm not going to win this argument, are I?**

Nope.

**Thought so.**

* * *

**Yeah, this was a... Crappy chapter. This has been in my backlog of chapters since about chapter... 8?**


	25. Signed, Vexen

**ALL YE READERS, TAKE MY WARNING! SPOILERS ABOUND!**

Dear insolent peons,

It seems as though my genius is not properly appreciated throughout your 'fan-dom'. Despite what you may think, I am a genius, and should be treated as such.

Unlike my co-workers, I have both numerous mental and physical abilities. I created two artificial beings, (I must add a 'spoiler alert' for those who bother to read 'fan fiction' without seeing such things coming) Xion and the Riku Replica (the slightly-mentally ill lad of whom you have seen in the previous chapter.), my mighty shield could easily kill most of you, and, unlike many others, I do not LACK A SPINE.

... I'd prefer you do not bring up the 'Castle Oblivion' incident, thank you very much.

Signed, the mildly angered genius, Vexen.

P.S., my only regret in my life as a Nobody is never discovering that my Heart was re-gained, along with the Hearts of my colleagues. Just think of what I could've accomplished...

**Good news, WE ARE HALF-WAY DONE! WOOH! 25 whole chapters UNDER THE BELT! Because of that little milestone, I'm announcing a new project! _How Not to Write Fan Fiction_, a guide for how to not make fan fiction for new writers. It should be up soon!**

**And some more good news! No more hiatuses! Or at least, long ones. I promise to update at least ONCE a week, from now on.**


	26. Signed, Rolan

Dear SA,

Hi, Sues Anonymous…

_Hi._

My name is Rolan…

_Hi, Rolan._

And… And…

_You can say it. It's a safe place here, nobody is going to judge you. Why don't you tell us why you're here?_

Because I-I'm… A Gary Stu.

_The first step of fixing the problem is admitting you have one._

I-I know…

_Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?_

I'm from a fan fiction, back in two thousand eleven… I was born in Port Royal…

_Were you friends with a major character from there?_

Yes…

_Was he a popular character from the series?_

Yes… He was Jack Sparrow…

_Oh… That's awful…_

Yeah… So, when I was seventeen, Port Royal was destroyed…

_By the Heartless?_

By the Heartless.

_It's always the Heartless. How did you survive?_

I'm…

_It's okay, you can say it._

I'm… A KEYBLADE WIELDER!

_We all are, we all are. What else happened in the fic?_

Well, when the World was being destroyed, all my friends died fighting the Heartless…

_They aren't dead, Rolan._

Really? How do you know?

_The friends never die in the first chapter, Rolan._

That's a huge relief… Anyway, my girlfriend, Catherine, she was lost…

_And you're going on a journey to save her?_

Yeah…

_This is bad._

Thanks, you're supportive.

_We know, thanks._

So, I ended up in a World, where I met some companions and-

_You don't have to say anything else._

Good, because my Author abandoned the fic after that.

_The healing can now begin._

Thank god…

_CURAGA!_


	27. Signed, Marluxia

Dear Fan Fiction,

I am not mere 'comic relief', you idiots. I am also not homosexual. And I am definitely not a woman.

True, in the early conceptions of my character, I was a woman. (I really wish I didn't have to utter those words.) That may explain some of my more... Feminine behavior. Despite that, I am not an actual woman, nor homosexual. I am asexual, a concept that you 'shipping' peons have no idea of.

Signed, the Murderous Flower (I may see where you are coming from now...), Marluxia.

P.S., the idiotic 'Author' of this story, Noklevername, has recieved some punishment for making me the twenty seventh speaker... I assume he may be in the hospital for a time...

* * *

**Over 7,500 views! JEALOUS, LESSER-KNOWN ARTISTS?**

**... If so, I'm quite sorry.**


	28. Vanitas by Omega Star Shooter

Dear Fan Fiction:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Just beacuse I'm distant, you freaks push me into the 'emo' section. I mean, SERIOUSLY, what. The. Hell.

And don't get me started with the pairings. First off, I HATE Ventus. Why would you pair me up with THAT idiot? Then, you start pairing with either these 'Namine' or 'Xion' chicks, and you make seem like some creepy stalker by following them around. Oh, and by the way, Aqua is OLDER than me by a lot. What are you people, supporting pedophiles?

Signed, Vanitas The Bad-Ass

**By Omegastarshooter14! Congrats, and thanks for doing my own work for me! You get the same prize as... All the other people!**

**P.S., this is the only chapter Vanitas is going to get. In fact, I'm doing as little _Birth by Sleep _characters as possible, having never played that game.**


	29. Signed, Future-Empress YZMA!

Dear FOOL,

_Dear Friends,_

Why, I may ask, do you not think I'M A RESPECTABLE VILLAINESS?!

_Calm down, Yzma…_

SHUT UP, KRONK!

_It's okay, it's okay, breath in, breath out… Mind if I take over the letter for a minute, Yzma?_

FINE!

_Well, Maleficent, we're good bad guys too! Yzma was Empress for awhile…_

I WOULD'VE been Empress forever, if you weren't so incompetent!

_Yzma, we don't need to play the blame game…_

WE'RE not playing it, I AM! It's all YOUR fault! WHY DID YOU NOT KILL HIM?!

_Yzma, don't say the K-word! This is still Disney, and there could be kids reading…_

Shut… Up…

_Okay, okay. In conclusion, Maleficent, can ya PLEASE let us in your next villain group?_

I've got potions!

_And I can cater! (I make a mean Spinach Puff!)_

Signed, Future Empress, Yzma!

_And future Chef of the Kingdom, KRONK!_


	30. Signed, Clayton

Dear Fan Fiction,

Now, you may have heard that I am only in one installment of the 'Kingdom Hearts' franchise. That may be true, but I have my reasons.

Despite my seeming 'death' at the end of the level, I am still a fully active hunter! And, guess what? I STILL HAVE THE POWER OF THE HEARTLESS!

Some Worlds, as you may know, are filled with animals, a wonder of the Disney Canon. A plentiful amount of hunting grounds!

So far, on my trophy wall, I have Bambi's Mother, Shere Kahn, and some cows, from some movie I'm not fully aware of...

Signed, the Master Hunter, Clayton!

P.S., want to go on a hunting trip, Gaston?

**Anyone remember Deep Jungle? You know, that world that replaced a _Jungle Book _world? The one that nobody really liked?**

**Chapter 30! YEAH!**


	31. Signed, Xigbar

Dear Target Practice,

Yeah, yeah. I'm a big bad Nobody! I'm glad yer fan fiction crap shows me as the badass I am, but yet...

YA KILL ME OFF AFTER ONE FIGHT!

At least in the actual games (you know, the only thing with the name 'Kingdom Hearts' of quality), I have SOME effect on the lives of others and the world!

By the way, Shan Yu, your not getting anymore goddamned power from me! I hope you like the taste of... Whatever it is I shoot.

Signed, the professional marksman, Xigbar!

P.S., Xemnas sent me. Look out your window, mother fuckers!

**Sorry for the swearing at the end. (Doesn't auto-censor?)**

**See the reference to an early chapter? CONTINUITY, YEAH!**

**Oh, and in the manga adaption of _Kingdom Hearts II, _Xigbar gave Shan Yu his power, and killed him at the end of the World. Really like that idea, may use something like that in a later fic.**

**Remember that fic I mentioned back in chapter 25, _How Not to Write Fan Fiction_? Well, it'll be up later today! It's an MST-style commentary of my old fic, _Kingdom Hearts: Forgotten_. (The story that starred Rolan, the main character of chapter 26.) Please read and review, if you can!**


	32. Signed, Yen Sid

Dear Students,

I apologize for having to tell you this, but... YOU DO NOT GET A KEYBLADE!

The Keyblade is a powerful item. Only few may wield it, after the Keyblade War, which nearly destroyed the entire population of Keyblade wielders.

I perfectly understand if one of your fics, of which starring your blatant Mary Sue, takes place during the Keyblade War. It would at least be slightly believable.

HOWEVER, in the present, YOU MAY NOT HAVE A KEYBLADE. I, Mickey, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Roxas and, "spoiler alert", Lea, are the only ones, in my knowledge, to be in posession of a Keyblade!

Now, please stop writing these unoriginal stories, and learn ORIGINALITY!

Signed, the Keyblade Master, Yen Sid.

**With the rate this story is going, this story will have 10,000 views by the 20th!**

**Please, if you're reading this, _review_! I really do love reviews, and it would be nice to hit the 100 review milestone!**


	33. Signed, Emperor Kuzco

Dear loyal, ugly fans...

Yeah, uhuh, that Noklevername guy showed me this 'fan fiction' thingies you made! Mmmhmmm, they're not BAD, in fact, they're pretty good!

HA-HA, I'm kidding! They're worse than Kronk's IQ! Though I think I've thought of something that could make them less awful! A high dose of... ME!

Signed, your idol, Kuzco!

P.S., thanks for those liamas, weird bird thing guy!

**Only 5 more reviews!**

**If you can't tell, I like _Emperor's New Groove_... I really think there should be a world based off the movie.**


	34. The Return of GASTON!

Dear Ladies, and or, wussy men...

GASTON IS BACK, BABY!

Well, that stupid Author guy didn't think my last message properly conveyed my AWESOME! So, he gave me another letter thing... Can't really think of what to say...

OH YEAH! I've always had a question for you... How can you read these fan fiction things? They don't even have pictures!

Signed, GASTON!

P.S., Nobody can SPIT LIKE GASTON, you stupid Irish idiot! Besides, you're a duck, HOW WOULD YOU EVEN SPIT LIKE GASTON?! And I doubt you could match WITS with Gaston!

... That contest was rigged! RIGGED GASTON SAYS!

P.P.S., Sure, I'd love to go hunting, Clayton! AS LONG AS YOU CAN HANDLE THE AWESOMENESS OF GASTON!

P.P.P.S., Nobody makes chapters like Gaston!

P.P.P.P.S., wow, this chapter is getting a bit long... Though I'm sure you ladies don't mind, that means you get more GASTON!

**P.P.P.P.P.S, yay overusing acronyms** **don't even have meaning!**

**P.P.P.P.P.P.S, ONE. MORE. FUCKING. REVIEW. And we already have over 10,000 views!**


	35. Signed, the Man With No Clever Name

Dear Fan Fiction,

Hi! My name is the Man With No Clever Name! (No relation to that Noklevername guy. This totally isn't the way to get around what killed the series originally: Author's Notes chapters.)

I wear a top hat and a cloak. With a mask. Mostly cause the Author of this story, who is not me, sucks at describing physical features. Cause he's a bitch. Totally unlike me, who is awesome.

Now, I'd wish to thank all the Readers, specifically the one known as... Xanheartoe? I don't even know. Anyway, I am happy due to this story hitting a new milestone: one hundred reviews.

This is definitely not due it being an accomplishment with my writing. Because everyone who writes Fan Fiction is either a girl or homosexual. I am an original character, created by Noklevername, the sucky one. I am the only thing of quality he has ever made. Ever.

EVER I SAYS.

Signed, the Man With No Clever Name.

P.S., Will the real Noklevername please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

P.P.S, will Eminem's lawyers please sit down, please sit down?

**Yeah, meet my new OC, the Man With No Clever Name, if anyone writes a parody, you're free to use him.**

**Chapter dedicated to Xehanorto, the man who, earlier today, gave us our 100th review! This is my second story to reach that bench mark, and that makes me ecstatic!**

** So, in honor of 100 reviews, I'm giving today's bonus chapter. Yes, two in one day.**

** P.S., I don't think all male fan fiction Authors are gay. As I've said before, the character's opinion doesn't always reflect mine...**

P.P.P.S, I'll be back... And hopefully written by a better Author.


	36. Signed, Luxord

Dear Suckers- I Mean, Fan Fiction,

Yeah, hey, losers. Y'know, you forgot something!

What is it, you may be asking? MY CHAPTER.

THIRTY FUCKING FIVE CHAPTERS, until I got one! That's just ridiculous! You gave chapters to that gay scythe guy, TWO to some narcissistic French Man, TWO to the Heartless, TWO TO SOME LUNATIC THAT ISN'T EVEN IN THE GAMES, TWO to your stupid OCs, ONE TO OCS THEMSELVES, THREE for some shit writers, AND THIRTEEN OF THE CHAPTERS FEATURE CHARACTERS NOT EVEN IN THE FUCKING GAMES!

Okay, now that I got that shit out of the way, wanna play a game?

What? Of course you can trust me. We're just playing Poker! I've never even played before. Promise.

Signed, the Man Who Frequents Las Vegas, Luxord.

P.S., Would you rather play Russian Roulette? No, we wouldn't need to borrow one of Xigbar's guns! I have my own, don't worry...

**I'm posting this chapter early, because I can. I used to have a reason, but then I forgot.**

**Sorry for the little rant here, haha. Some of those rantings are my problems with the series! (Giving two chapters to Deadpool, so many chapters for characters not in the game, taking so long to get through the Organization 14, etc...)**

**Anyway, almost done! If you want to submit a chapter to me, PLEASE submit it by the 15th. I'm starting to write up the last few chapters of this story, and if you want your chapter in, I have to see it soon.**

**P.S., Once I'm done this story, I'm going to start a new _Kingdom Hearts _series. It's another parody, this time taking on the Fan Fiction itself head on.**

** It starts on Generica Island, where our hero, an odd mix of Sora and Riku, Soku, lives, along with his friends, Mary Sue, the love interest, and Yaomi, the straight man everyone thinks is gay for our hero...**


	37. Signed, Saix

Dear Fan Fiction,

Despite what you may think, I do not go _insane _when the moon comes out. It just doesn't work that way. Also-

_Excuse me, Number II…_

What is it, Master Xemnas?

_The Moon is about to come out. You may want to end the letter._

Do not worry, Master, I shall. Anyway, as I was saying- Oh no. You may want to lea-

I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL, YOU IDIOTS! I AM ASEXUAL! **I'LL KILL YOU ALL! ARGH!**

**And then, ten minutes passed, and Saix was out of the room. Wait, since when did this story have a narrator-**

_Shut up. Anyway, I, Master Xemnas, would wish to say the ending message:_

_Signed, the Master of the Moon, Saix._

**And Narrator?**

_Haha, no. I think I'll kill you now._

* * *

**HOLY CRAP I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH THE ORGANIZATION!**

**When I got to about chapter 30, I realized, 'holy shit I need to include ALL OF THE OTHER ORGANIZATION MEMBERS!'. I only got Saix, Demyx, and Luxord written last night. Roxas is going to be Chapter 47, right before Riku and Sora.**

**In other news, I need OCs for super secret projects! Two, to be exact. So, if you have any OCs, that you don't mind being parodied, PM me with a short description of the character, and the name of what work they're in, (If they aren't in a story yet, please make the description VERY detailed.) WARNING: They will probably be killed off. You can submit as many OCs as you want, for any fandom.**

**Thanks, and please review!**


	38. Signed, Demyx

Hey Fan Girls!

Yeah, I know! I'm just an 'ol, lovable, awesome, amazing, awesome, musician. I'd call myself a Nobody, but I'm just too damn popular for that noise!

So, I know you think I'm sexy. I'm sexy, I know it. Sorry, I just love music, all of it. Just wanted to reference that.

Anyway, I know most of you who write fan fiction with me in 'em love cocks. Hey, look! They didn't censor that, but I'm not allowed to say fuck?

C'mon. You all know that I said fuck, but it censored it. Bull fuck.

THEY DID IT AGAIN!

Anyway, you may love cocks, but I don't. Keep that shit in mind.

Also, I'm probably not from Atlantica. Probably. I dunno, my memory is fuzzy from being hit by everyone a bit too much...

Signed, the Famed Musician, Demyx.

P.S., I will not shut up, Mansex.

* * *

**Hey everybody! FINALLY, I'm done writing for the Organization (excluding Roxas and Xion, who are coming almost last...).**

**What do you guys think I could have Roxas, Sora, and Riku complain about? I KINDA VALUE YOUR OPINIONS!**

**Over 11,000 views! PARTY TIME YAY.**


	39. Signed, Sue Hunter

Dear Writers,

I have been searching your site for numerous days now. Your "Sues" are overunning this place, and I must stop them.

Though I have a price. For every Sue I kill, capture, or cover in peanut butter and give to the squirrels (I have hobbies too ya know.), I demand to be shown one good fic.

And not like this fic, it sucks.

Signed, the Sue Hunter.

P.S., I'm coming for you, Rolan.

** Yes, another OC! Ironically, I haven't given flaws to him, and he's not a developed character. So I guess he shares several qualities with Sues! THE HUNTER BECOMES THE HUNTED!**

**I wrote this slightly after the 'Rolan' chapter, before I found out that apparently he's both sympathetic and popular. OOPS. Let's just say either Rolan survived the attempt on his life, or trying to kill Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenway, (of _My Immortal _and my own parody of it, _My Mortal_.) drove him into alchoholisim so he never got around to fighting Rolan.**

**Thanks to Passionheart815 for giving me the idea for Roxas' chapter!**


	40. Signed, Kairi

Dear Fan Fiction,

What'd I ever do to you?!

Almost all of your stories demonize me... WHY?! Is it because I get in the way of your shitty Mary Sue protagonist? Well, who's the one who actually got a Keyblade in the actual series, haters?

THAT'S RIGHT, ME!

... And Sora. And Braig. And Ventus. And Sora a second time, kinda. And Riku. And Lea. And Yen Sid. And Xheanort. And Aqua. And Mickey gosh darn Mouse.

... Y'know, Key Blades just aren't so special after the first game, are they?

Signed, the not-damsel in distress, Kairi.

P.S., the old version of this chapter was better, wasn't it?

***NOTE: Chapter has been updated to get rid of swearing controversy.***

**Sometimes, when I write chapters for characters who had chapters in the old version of _Dear Fan Fiction _which was removed, I look at it and say 'Damn. What the hell didI do for the original version?'** **Examples of this are the Kairi, Cloud, Lexaeus, and a few more.**

** I almost accidently didn't give Kairi a chapter! That would've been weird...**

** Well, let's look at our statistics!**

** Chapters: 40.**

** Views: 12,480.**

** Reviews: 135.**

** Favorites: 22.**

** Followers: 30.**

** Thanks, goodbye, and REVIEW.**


	41. Signed, the Queen of Hearts

Dear Peasants,

HOW DARE YOU?! What justification do you have for portraying me as, and I quote, a 'tyrannical monarch'?! I am the best Queen in ALL THE WORLDS! Queen Grimhalde be damned!

Surrender, all you... FAN GIRLS! I shall send my strongest Card Guards to apprehend you...

OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

Signed with the blood of those dead before you, the Queen of Hearts!

P.S., does any of you know the residence of a man named Tim Burtone, or something like that? Look at what his horrid film has done to me! My head looks like a balloon!

**I really hated the Tim Burton (apparently) sequel. It just didn't fit with the tone of the original at all, just jumping on the band wagon of darker and edgier _Alice. _What was your opinion, random stalkers- I mean, fans?**

** PS, does anyone else find it odd how many non-Japanese people use Japanese words on the internet? It's not a huge problem, just a little pet peeve of mine.**

** Almost 13,000 views! Isn't that an ark-number for the _Kingdom Hearts_ series?**

** Think we can get to 150 reviews before the story ends at chapter 50?**

** Next chapter: the star of a Square Enix game that never appeared in _Kingdom Hearts_...**


	42. Signed, Crono

_Hey, Crono!_

…

_Some guy named 'Noklevername' told us to write a letter to our fandom._

…

_So, do you have anything to say?_

…

_Ooooof course…_

…

_Signed, Princess Nadia, and, on a lesser extent, Crono._

_PS, the other party members say 'hi'. One of which said it in ye olde butchered English._

* * *

**Well, that was... Adequate? I've never played _Chrono Trigger_, so, they may be a little out of character. Are you guys enjoying the chapters that involve a conversation between two characters? They're a lot more fun to write, but I don't know if they're more fun to read.**

**Thanks to Nicola Stevie, the 150th reviewer! Sorry that this wasn't Vincent Valentine, haha.**

**PS, there are a lot of characters not being covered in this story. If anyone else decides to start a _Dear Fan Fiction, _series, tell me! They're really easy to write, and I'd love to read more.**


	43. Signed, Sephiroth

Dear Insolent Peons,

How dare you tarnish my name with your idiotic 'fan fiction'!

Throughout the Worlds, my reputation has been... Less than positive. I expected that, definitely. Of course, I'm an evil manipulative killer.

Though, as you can assume, (or I hope you could. I don't want to over-estimate your peanut-esque intelligence, of course.) it was not based off of my evil.

When I went to Greece, I had one goal in mind: allying myself with the Lord of the Underworld, Hades. I knew I'd betray him later along, yet he could help my goals.

After seeing me, he said, and I quote, "Oh, hey look! It's that Cloud guys boyfriend! How's your kid Riku doin'? He's part of me an' Maleficent's group, y'know!"

That infuriated me greatly. I took the only action I could: attack.

I do not wish to explain how the fight went. Your ridiculous fan fiction would do it for me, but it would probably involve my "sword" "striking" Cloud.

The point is, write another fan fiction involving me again, and you will feel my fury.

Signed, Sephiroth.

PS, the 'Noklevername' man has been sent to the hospital. Take that as a warning.

**Well, unfortunately, I've written two extra chapters. So, I guess this fic is going to be 52 chapters long! You'll get another bonus chapter tomorrow.**

**As said previously, I don't play _Final Fantasy. _So, I had no idea what Sephiroth's goals were. Despite that, this chapter was a lot of fun to write, and one of my favorites!**

**In the original version of _Dear Fan Fiction__,_, Hades got a chapter. I love writing the character, and I wish I could remember what I wrote before... I really enjoyed the opportunity to write Hades again.**

**Yes, there's actually a fandom belief that Riku is Sephiroth's son. Ridiculous, right? Though this is the series with freakin' Goofy, after all...**

**Please read and review!**


	44. Signed, Winnie and Friends (And Me)

**Dear Other Writer People…**

_You mean, like Christopher Robin?_

**Yes I do, Piglet! Hello! Say hello, everyone.**

_Hello!_

Hello!

Hellooooo…

**Now, we have a couple things to say for you all…**

_It seems like some Man has entered the 100-Acre Woods…_

**Isn't he a friend of Christopher Robins?**

_I think so, Pooh! What do you think, Tigger?_

I don't know… I was busy at the time!

**What were you doing, Tigger?**

I was-

Bouncing?

Yes, Eyeore! How did you know?

You're always bouncing…

Because bouncings what Tiggers do best!

*Sigh* There's more of you?

…. I _don't _know…

**Anywhoo, we've been wondering, have you seen-**

My house?

Any fan fiction featuring my bouncing prowess?

_The Backsoon?_

**Hehe, no! Have they seen my Hunny?**

_Oh dear… Now I remember!_

Remembering is awful…

Can I get another line? Pleeeeease?

**What did you remember, Piglet?**

_I remember… What happened to Pooh's Hunny!_

**Oh joy! I don't have to go sleuthing! What happened, Piglet?**

_Well, a strange pixel-y looking man with blue hair, came into the 100-Acre Woods!_

I remember that… He attacked me, and said I was a 'random encounter'…

_He was there with his friends! An odd, evil sounding man with an odd robe… A smart-sounding man with dice and some red clothing… And a stupid man with a sharp, sharp sword!_

This keeps getting curiouser and curiouser…

**Then what happened?**

_Well, he went into your house, broke some pots!_

**Oh bother! Those are my munny pots… I just repaired them from my encounter with the odd man in the odd green tunic!**

I can see where this is going…

_And then, he took your Hunny!_

NOOOOOOOOOO!

**That is quite the dilemma! How did you see this anyhow, Piglet?**

_Well, it was a cut-scene._

**That explains that. Well, thanks for your time, fan fiction!**

**Signed, Winnie the Pooh.**

_And Piglet!_

And Tigger, too!

And I guess you forgot about me…

**Yes, I'm talking about Thief, (with his **_**8-Bit Theater **_**personality, too!) coming and stealing Pooh's Hunny!**

**And yes, I referenced **_**Alice in Wonderland**_**.**

**Apparently, the heroes of **_**8-Bit Theater **_**can now travel through Worlds! I smell shenanigans! Now, why are they doing that? Maybe that'll be explained in a later chapter…**


	45. Signed, King Triton

Dear Fan Fiction,

I would like to thank you.

My portrayal as a reasonable father figure is quite true. Though, my daughter, Princess Ariel, had not always shared that view.

After the events of my film, I started to doubt my own abilities as a parent. However, your 'fan fiction' has helped me heavily. Yet again, may I say, thank you.

Signed, the King of the Sea, King Triton.

PS, I agree, the 'Rythm Game' world was... Awful. Though Ariel insisted.

**Remember back earlier in the series when I said that they weren't all negative? Yeah, kinda forgot about that.**

**I don't really like _The Little Mermaid_. That's why there aren't any other chapters for their characters. Even unlike most Disney movies I don't like, it doesn't even have a good villain!**

**Here's a couple lines from the (rough) copy of _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_:**

* * *

Soku, the man who is eerily similar to both Riku and Sora, BUT IS STILL A TOTALLY ORIGINAL CHARACTER, sat on the beach.

"Wow… This is an awful way to start a fan fiction… Maybe, when I'm done expositioning, someone will do something worth narrating about-"

"Hey, Soku!" Soku's friend, Yaomi, called. "Want to hang out with me and Mary Sue?"

Yaomi's name was very descriptive. His fondness for gay-sex was unmatched-

"I'm straight." Yaomi commented.

Too bad, you can't argue with the Narrator.

"… F ck you."

I've heard that a lot. Anyways, Soku and Yaomi strolled across the island, until they found Mary Sue, who was sharpening her katana.

"Hiii everybody!" Mary Sue greeted, "I'm just sharpening my katana!"

"I know," Yaomi replied, "I read the narration."

"Can we actually move along with the plot?" Soku whined, "I heard I get to kill things later in the story, soooo…"

* * *

**Tell me what you think IN THE REVIEWS!**


	46. Signed, Black Mage Mcevilwizardington

Dear VICTIMS...

You shall feel my wrath...

I have managed to turn myself into a Heartless. MUAHAHAHAHAHA-

Shut up, Fighter! I'm being threatening over here...

I have already annihilated my own world of Cornelia. We're now travelling, and causing chaos in, other Worlds. And, to trick the FOOLS I am currently manipulating, I have "convinced" them into thinking it was the being known as Sora...

GET OUT OF MY POCKET, THIEF!

Now, I have seen your "fan fiction"...

Your World is next.

Signed, Black Mage Mcevilwizardington.

PS, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Thanks everyone! From what I've seen, the reception for _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_ has been amazingly positive! So, I'll try and get the first chapter out by the end of the week!**

**PS, I'm putting up a poll, asking which Worlds from the _Kingdom Hearts _franchise you want to return in _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_. The series is heavily based off of _Dear Fan Fiction_ (and is in some ways a sequel.), so you might want to keep the portrayals of the characters in the worlds in this series in mind. I guarantee the World that is most popular will get a role!**


	47. Signed, Sea Salt Ice Cream

Dear Fan Fiction,

Yes, I exist.

Yes, that's amazing.

NO, SCROOGE MCDUCK (why does he keep getting mentioned?) DIDN'T MAKE ME.

I exist in real life! I'm scientifically possible to make! I CAME BEFORE THE 'KINGDOM HEARTS II'! That Nomura guy RIPPED ME OFF!

You may've not seen me outside of the game, (and obsessive cooks/fans posting recipes of me...) but I exist! I'M JAPANESE!

Signed, Seasalt Ice Cream.

PS, small question, Author? I'm a food, how the hell am I creating thoughts, let alone typing them?

**Yeah, this is a weird chapter. Just to clarify: Tetsuya Nomura put Sea Salt Ice Cream into the series after eating some at Tokyo Disney Land. AND NOW WE KNOW! AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!**

**The fact that I'm having an item talk is based off of _Dear Fan Fiction _by _our dancing days_. (I can't believe I forgot to credit her. THIS STORY IS RIPPED OFF FROM HER'S.) Frequently in that series, inanimate objects (the Mockingjay Pin, the Reaping Ball) have a chapter.**


	48. Signed, Donald and Goofy

Dear Fan Fictee-on Guys and Gals,

_WHY… Are you talkin' like 'dat?_

Well, I just kinda wanna.

_Gee, nice answer._

Ooooh, thanks, Donald!

_Well, Fan Fiction, we're just here ta give ya a message._

We don't mean ta bother you, but, gawrsh, ya keep kicking us outta your fics!

_What Goofy is TRYIN' ta say, is, we wanna be in da story too!_

Hehehe, yeah!

_Any chance you'll do it?_

…

… _I take that as a 'no'._

Signed, the Royal Guard Goofy.

_And the Royal Wizard Donald Duck!_

_P.S., ask Unca Scrooge why he got mentioned in so many letters! DID HE BUY YA OFF, NOKLEVERNAME?!_

**I'm sorry, I know it's crap. I just had to do a chapter with these two.**

**Over 15,000 views! Yay!**

**Why don't you go check out _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_? It's now up, and I could use some more reviews!**


	49. Signed, the Rest

Dear Fan Fiction,

Many have gotten chapters here. The Keyblade Wielders, (most of them, anyway) the Organization, the Disney stars. Many important topics, such as shipping, lack of fan fiction, more shipping crap, badassery, and much, much more have been acknowledged. And many, such as Beast, Braig, Aqua, Xheanort, Belle, Mulan, Mushu, Christopher Robin, and many more, have never gotten an appearance.

And from those who haven't gotten a chapter, we have one thing to say...

Screw you, Noklevername. That is all.

Signed, those who didn't get a chapter.

PS, why are there a million chapters that aren't actually directed at fan fiction itself?

PPS, Wait, we STILL have three characters after this? You said we were the last chapter, Noklevername!

**This is one of my favorite chapters so far. This was originally intended to be the final chapter, but I wanted to end it where the series started: Sora.**

** Three more chapters left, Roxas, Riku, and Sora! I'd say we're almost done, but then I'd be lying...**


	50. Signed, Roxas

Dear Fan Fiction,

No.

NO.

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

S-sorry about that… So, that Nokleve- FUCK IT! NO, JUST, NO! WHAT? GET THAT NEEDLE AWAY FROM ME!

**One tranquilizer later…**

… **Hey, I finally got another appearance! NARRATOR, BITCHES! Hey Mom-**

**PUT THAT GUN AWAY, XIGBA-**

Um… Sorry about that outburst, hehe. An-anyway… I'm Roxas, and… Well, usually, in the Castle That Never Was, I don't have internet privileges… So, unlike the rest of the Members, (and that weird Moogle Guy…) I haven't written a letter yet.

But that Noklevername guy… Told me to go on for a couple hours, and…

I died a bit on the inside, to tell the truth.

The first problem is… I'M NOT GAY! I don't want to date Axel! HE IS A MAN, AND I AM ALSO A MAN! I DO NOT GO THAT WAY!

… I need to wash the awful taste out of mouth. With booze, hopefully. (I wonder if Luxord left his cabinet unlocked again…)

And, the next problem… Yeah, Xion is kinda my girlfriend. Sorta. Maybe. I don't know, this series _really _confuses me.

If I've got this correct (and I most likely don't.), Xion is Sora's memories of Kairi… Who, Sora, who's me, kinda, likes… Soooooo, I'd be dating my own girlfriend? I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!

And, worst of all… You want me to date myself? FIRST OF ALL, look at my reasons for Axel. Second, I'd be dating myself! I'm not a narcissist!

… That is Demyx's thing.

Signed, the Nobody of Sora, Roxas.

PS, Hey, I'm the 48th! On one hand, I'm important enough to be built-up to… On the other hand… Well, the freaking creepy Moogle-guy got a chapter before me. Should I be happy or not?

**Well, that was chapter 48 of **_**Dear Fan Fiction,**_**!**

**The first part is based off of the Nostalgia Critic's review of **_**Bat-Man and Robin**_**. I'm a huge fan of Doug Walker's work, and That Guy With Glasses as a whole.**

**Originally, whilst writing this chapter, I thought Xion was Sora's memories as a whole, not just his memories of Kairi. I originally had this:**

It'd be like I was dating myself! What am I, a freaking narcissist?

... That's Demyx's thing.

**That conversation is based off Mickey Mouse's reason for not dating Minnie in **_**Robot Chicken**_**, a hilarious show.**

**In fact, originally, instead of:**

That is Demyx's thing.

**It was:**

That is Demyx's thing. And Luxord's. And Axel's. And Gaston's. And Vexen's. And Deadpool's. And- You know what, there are a lot of narcissists.

**Though I didn't think it was that funny.**

**And we all remember the 'Narrator' character from Saix's chapter, right? RIGHT?!**

**Chapter based off an idea by Passionheart813!**

**Two more chapters to go!**


	51. Signed, Riku

Dear Fan Fiction,

I'm sexy and I know it.

Yeah, I get to make that pop culture reference. Cause I'm just awesome like that.

Y'know, I'm not sure if I like fan fiction. On one hand, you make me awesome. Which is true, I am. Not denying that. Yet on the other hand, you _obsess _over that little dark streak I had. And on Stitch's _third _hand, you're always writing those annoying yaoi fics with me in 'em…

Yet let's just ignore the third one, cause you've heard enough yaoi-ranting in the past 49 chapters of repetitivity. (Don't know how to spell that word, and neither does my editor Noklevername, apparently.)

Thanks to how awesome you put me out to be, that status has actually made it to some of the Worlds! Scrooge McDuck (why does that guy keep coming up in this damn story?) gave me some free ice cream, got some Spinach Puffs from some weird huge guy, dined with Lando, etcetera. Life is good. Well, except for the stuff that leads up to our next point…

What's with your obsession with my 'darkness'? Look, it was only for half of one game!

… And a second game.

… And most of a third one.

But despite that, I've gotten over it. And now I'm back to training my awesome self.

Signed, the Keyblade Master, Riku.

PS, wow, this was a disappointing chapter, wasn't it?

**It was a _very _disappointing chapter, Riku!  
**

**Thanks to Hikari-Kurai for the idea to half of this chapter, and Passionheart813 for the other half.**

**Over 16,500 chapters! Thanks to every person that has had enough free time to read up to this point! Though, if you're reading this thank you, I have to be thanking you, cause... Whatever.**

**Looks like we're almost done here. Emphasis: _here_. _Dear Fan Fiction, _is nowhere near over. More information on that vague statement on the final chapter, _Signed, Sora_.**

**If anybody has a question that they want answered for the final chapter, tell me in the reviews, or PM it to me! I'd love to answer your questions. (NOTE: This is not making the fic interactive. I'm just clearing up anything people may be wondering before this story is done. I'll be explaining a few things anyways, so, why not?)**

**Remember to read, review, and check out my other shit, dammit._  
_**


	52. Signed, Sora

Dear Fan Fiction,

I'm not an idiot. Idiots don't just GET a Keyblade! Well, except for all those Mary Sues Master Yen Sid told me about…

Signed, the Keyblade Master, Sora!

…

Seriously?

This is the final chapter.

You have to be kidding me.

There are so many things that I could've talked about, Noklevername! The fact that everyone pairs me with Riku, the fact that everyone pairs me with Axel, the fact that everybody pairs me with Namine, the fact that everybody pairs me with MYSELF, the fact that everybody pairs me with-

Y'know, I'm paired with a lot of people.

I can't believe people call ME an idiot with people like this story's Author running around…

**Sorry for the most disappointing final chapter in the history of fan fiction.**

**Well, looks like _Dear Fan Fiction _has finally been concluded. Time for an FAQ about the series! (Please read, cause this will have a few important pieces of information...)**

**Q: Do you really hate Disney?**

**A: What? No! What gave people that idea?**

**Q: Why didn't you do a chapter for any _World Ends With You _characters? They were in _Dream Drop Distance_!**

**A: I know that, especially early in the series, I got a lot of requests for _WEWY _chapters. I just haven't played the game. Same goes for _Final Fantasy _and _Birth By Sleep_.**

**Q: Why didn't you do *Insert pretty much any character*?**

**A: Many characters were planned to get chapters. (_Xion, Hades, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Oogie Boogie, Huey Duey and Luey, _and more.) If a character didn't get a chapter, and I knew the character, it's probably because I couldn't think of anything for them to complain about.**

**Q: What's your stance on Shipping?**

**A: Overall, I'm against non-canon pairings. There are some exceptions of course.**

**Q: What's your opinion on Ocs?**

**A: I think OCs are a crucial part of fan fiction. Many of my favorite fan fictions use OCs. And, as a person obsessed with copyright, I love actually fully-owning characters in a fan fiction.**

**Q: What's the worst part of writing this fic?**

**A: Well, keeping up with the 'Daily Update' schedule, without losing creativity, thinking of new chapters, and keeping characters in-character.**

**Q: What's the best part?**

**A: The continued support from the Readers, definitely. And the view count (over 16,500!) is awesome too.**

**Q: Is this the end of _Dear Fan Fiction_?**

**A: Technically, yes.**

**Q: What do you mean by 'technically'?**

**A: It's kind of a yes.**

**Q: WHY IS IT KIND OF A YES?**

**A: Because there is a spiritual succesor to this story, known as _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever _(Remember that Yaomi and Soku thing from a couple of chapters back?), and an actual sequel written by IanMe2525, written by him, and edited by me. Go follow him, so you can see the next series! And another fic loosely based off of the Gaston chapters will soon be up, (hopefully on April Fool's) called _The Gaston Show_. I'll leave you to guess the details on it._  
_**

**Thanks and goodbye! And please review, dammit. Even though this series is over, I still like reviews. No reason. I just do.**


	53. Signed, Noklevername

Dear Valued Fans/Losers,

This is Noklevername.

I'd like to make an announcment.

(I also love pressing the enter key. OVER-USE OF SPACE TO MAKE THE CHAPTER SEEM LONGER/MORE EPIC, YEAH!)

'Dear Fan Fiction: Final Mix'.

It's a re-publishing of this story, 'Dear Fan Fiction', but with awesome new features, such as forty seven new chapters (a full one hundred, to those readers too stupid to count.), new boss fights, less Kairi swearing, more Keyblade Wielders mentioned by Yen Sid, more over-use of the approximate five popular characters, Japan exclusitivity (suck it, North America, and on a lesser extent every where else!), and, most importantly, MORE DEADPOOL CHAPTERS!

Hey, fuck it! ALL THE CHAPTERS WILL BE DEADPOOL! Deadpool joins the Organization, Deadpool becomes the pumpkin king, Deadpool turns into a liama, DEADPOOL UP THE ASS, BITCHES! WOOH!

Oh, and another thing... April Fools, motherfucker! Deadpool here, getting his third chapter! (Suck it, McFuck!) If you couldn't tell, there's, sadly, not going to be a new Deadpool-rific fan fiction... Cause you still aren't featuring me in your fan fictions, ya damned fan girls.

And on a much less important loss, (Who am I kidding? You should be happy! When has a sequel ever been as good as the original? I'm talking to you, '358 Days Over 2'.) there will be no 'Dear Fan Fiction: Final Mix'. Why, you may ask? Cause Noklevername must hate you. Go send him hate mail.

This chapter was put up for three reasons. One, Noklevername is an ass, even on my standards, pulling the cock tease of fan fiction, promising a sequel that will never be. Two, blah blah blah YEAH TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS blah blah. And third, as I said earlier, APRIL FOOL'S MOTHER FUCKER!

Signed, the Merc With a Mouth, Deadpool!

PS, what do you mean, April Fool's was two days ago?

* * *

**Okay, sorry about that. It's just that there are a few things I want to say-**

WHY THE FUCK COULDN'T YOU HAVE GOTTEN ME TO SAY IT ALL, ASSHOLE?!

**Because shut up, Deadpool. I would like to tell you, yet again, to read _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_. Seriously. Read it. I'VE GOT YOUR PUPPY.** **And, I'm also wondering if there's any other Disney fans that want to collaborate on a Disney fic? If so, PM me!**


	54. Signed, the Heartless (Again!)

Dear Prey,

Y'know, there's a really good thing about us Heartless! We're fucking animals!

That means, there's no Shipping with us! Despite the fact that I'd assume there'd be a gross rape-y sort of thing out there...

... THAT WASN'T A SUGGESTION! NOOOOOOOOOOO! You make us, the Creatures who annihilate entire Worlds, seem evil...

Signed, with hate, the Heartless. (Especially Dan, the Heartless on a diet, and Keith, the horridly named Shadow Heartless who wrote this.)

PS, didn't that Author guy say that the last chapter was the final chapter? Oh, gee, now I feel all special.

PPS, Why the hell did we get almost no mention in this entire fic? The Heartless are KINDA important to the story

PPPS, that Noklevername guy better give us a part in his new fic! If not... God have mercy on his Soul...

* * *

**Yeah, I'm gonna post a few more chapters. I think I'll stop at... Chapter 60? You're welcome.**

**PLEASE READ _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_! It is the second installment of what I like to call the _Fan Fiction _series, which started with this story. (And, hopefully, won't end with _KH: EFFE_.)**

**Oh, and Ian2525 has started posting his sequel to this fic.**


	55. Signed, Judge Claude Frollo

Dear Insolent Sinners,

A strange young man without a clever name has approached me, for some odd reason, to write all of you a letter. At first, I was honored by the offer. Finally, a man has given me the respect I deserve.

Though, he then showed me this evil... Thing, known as 'fan fiction'. 'Twas terrible... Witches, wizards, blastphomy, "goffs"... It hurts to remember.

The young man suffered for putting me through the hell that was "My Immortal". He shall burn for his sins.

The worst thing of all, however, was the creation known as... "Shipping". Homosexuality and pre-marital sex abound... May the fires of hell destroy all who may have come across this letter, for they have viewed and possibly written... Fan fiction. May God have mercy on me...

Signed, the honorable Judge Claude Frollo.

PS, I, however, appreciate your views on my song. I did not think a song of lust and the revolting Gypsies would be so well-recieved...

* * *

**Can you tell my mood when I wrote this? It involves a germophobic girl with anger issues...**

**Originally, this chapter was supposed to also include Frollo complaining about the minorities in Disney movies, (Specifically Mulan, Aladdin, and Princess and the Frog.) but the chapter was getting too long and too boring.**

**Does anyone want to collaborate on a fic starring the Disney villains?**


	56. Signed, The TRUE King of Halloween!

Dear Fan Fiction,

You love me! You REALLY love me! HEHEHEHEHEHEHA!

Fun fact: the public loves this 'ol bag 'o bugs! I HAVE FAN GIRLS! *Burp* I may or may not have eaten a few of them... HEHEHEHEHEHEHA!

Now, that gives me a benefit that those other villains don't have! Y'all keep writin' fan fiction! And, guess who you want in it? Guess! GUESS!

THAT'S RIGHT! THE OOGIE BOOGIE MAN! HEHEHEHEHEHA!

Your fan fiction brings ME back from the dead! I'M IMMORTAL! Jealous, 'ol Jack? HALLOWEEN IS MINE!

Signed, Mr. Oogie Boogie Man...

PS, Where's that Luxord guy? He sounds like a guy I'd like!

* * *

**Sorry for the late chapter! I'm not writing them pre-emptively now...**

**Over 20,500 views! WOOH.**


	57. Signed, Timon

Hey hey hey Fan Fiction!

Things have been goin' good for me! Got featured in a major motion picture by Disney, got my own sequel AND TV show, (well, Pumbaa was kinda my co-star… But, you ALL know that I stole the show!) plus a couple sequels to my 'ol buddy Simba's movie! They even gave me a lifetime spot in the House of Mouse!

Though, I've somehow gotten an internet connection, (what? You act as if characters like Gaston would have internet!) and I have one note about the shipping stuff…

Me and Pumbaa or Disney's _only _gay couple! Deal with it, kids!

Signed, Timon.

PS, yes, of course I'd give you my autograph!

**Yes, I'm not dead!**

**Did you know that it's official that Timon and Pumbaa are a gay couple? Feel free to gasp. Also, Timon/Pumbaa is a shipping that I support! By of which I mean, a canon one!**

**Hey, does anyone want a World to be included in _Kingdom Hearts: Every Fan Fiction Ever_? I'd love to hear suggestions.**


	58. Signed, A Totally-Willing Zexion

Dear Fan Fiction,

It seems as if the Noklevername man is immune to my mental spells. I'm beginning to think it's just due to his own stupidity.

Anyways, somehow, he has managed to tie me up in a chair. I'm reminded of what Axel does with his "lady friends". I shudder in rememberance of those events...

So, now, I must make a letter. It turns out there was a small error in my previous letter. It seems as if I DO have a Heart.

Though that does not change my stance on 'emo'. Now, I'm off to go watch some 'My Little Pony' and join a dance party. See? Not emo.

Signed, the Master of Illusion, Zexion.

PS, aren't these letters supposed to have actual humor now?

**Fun fact: I originally planned to have a second Zexion letter as the final chapter, instead of Sora. Though, I decided that wasn't a powerful enough end.**

**Good news, bad news. Good news is, I've been invited to a Young Writer's Conference, due to the fact that I'm one of the top fifteen writers at my school. Congratulate me. Bad news, there probably won't be an update tomorrow. Good news, (again, since I'm a lying liar who lies) I'm trying to update twice today, to make up for it.**

**Oh, and, despite the references to MLP in both this fic and _Every Fan Fiction Ever_, I'm not a fan of the show. It's not BAD by any means, it's just... Average.**


	59. Signed, King Mickey

Dear Fan Fiction,

Haha, sorry for botherin' ya! Though I've been readin' some of your stories, and I have a small thing ta ask ya... May ya please stop with this 'shipping' stuff?

Gosh, I don't mean ta be rude, but, I'm just not a fan... It's kinda silly now that ya think about it! A lotta us found 'true love' at the end of our stories, and we don't wanna lose that for an OC, do we? Haha!

Thanks for listening! Now, your writing is good, but, why not branch out into other genres? I for one love myself some humor, or maybe a good scary story...

Signed, the honorable King Mickey Mouse!

PS, have a nice day!

Y'know, now that I think about it, a lotta these other letters are kinda rude... I bet you expected me to be angry, haha!

PPS, please send those 'South Park' people this letter... They seem to have some misconceptions over my personality!

* * *

**Sorry for the delay! I'm trying to get this story, ****_Every Fan Fiction Ever_**_,_ **and a couple new projects of mine some new chapters!**

**I'm considering branching out to another fandom. So, which of these projects sounds the best to you guys:**

**A parody of the infamous fan fiction, _Cup Cakes_.**

**Another _Super Smash Bros_. fic, working as a sequel to _Brawl's_ Subspace Emissary.**

**One of the two projects I was requesting OCs for, _OC Battles_, a parody of SYOTs, _The Hunger Games_, _Battle Royale_, and more.**

**PS, does anyone want to submit OCs for _OC Battles_ and _Every Fan Fiction Ever_? I could always use some more, and I need at least 10 OCs for _Every Fan Fiction Ever_...**


	60. I'd like to give you an offer!

**And now time for something completely different.**

Xion, the Organization's fifteenth member, sat alone, on a grey (Canadian spelling bitches.) couch. Suddenly, a man, Arthur Stan Din popped up behind her.

"Hey, Xion!" Arthur greeted, "Sooooo… Mind if I ask you something?"

Xion laughed awkwardly, "First, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" Arthur asked, "Cause this new chapter is _really _overdue."

"Well… Who the f ck* are you?!"

Arthur looked around, "Um… Not the Author! I'm _Arthur_! Two complete different people! Definitely not him!"

"And, a few more things… How do you know who I am, and why are you here?"

"I know who you are because this story is meta, goddammit. Everyone knows everything about the universe as long as it's funny," Arthur answered, "And regarding your second question: I have a request."

Xion sighed, "Am I in a fan fiction again?"

"Of course."

Xion grunted, "Okay, am I going to be brutally murdered or f cked* in this one?"

Arthur shrugged, "You're not going to be brutally murdered. Though, if you want to be f cked, call me."

Xion scowled, "Yeah, good luck with that. If you don't want to kill me or f ck* me-"

"I do kinda want to f ck you."

Xion grunted again, "Please, shut the f ck up."

"Please, stop swearing. I can't censor you much longer."

Xion stared in confusion, "Aaaaaaanyways, what _do _you want?"

"I want you to write a letter for TOTALLY SOMEONE ELSES fan fiction!" Arthur yelled happily.

"And, if it's someone elses thing, why do you want ME to write for it?!"

"Because I'm- he's too lazy."

"What does he do, then?"

"… He writes the Author's Notes."

"Exciting." Xion commented.

"Quite," Arthur sighed, "Anyways, will you do it?"

"Should I just ignore the fact that you've probably been stalking me?"

"Please."

Xion tapped her chin, "Hmm… What's in it for me?"

"… A whole…" Arthur paused, "NOTHING!"

"What a deal!" Xion yelled.

"Really?" Arthur asked in a mix of disbelief and happiness.

"No!" Xion replied in an equally happy tone.

"… Oh."

"Why don't you just, you know, leave?" Xion requested.

"Fine, fine!" Arthur grunted, "But I'll be back… FOR A SEQUEL!"

"Whaaaaatever…" Xion retorted.

Arthur then promptly dropped dead.

"What the f ck*?!" Xion gasped, as Roxas' Keyblade was withdrawn from the man's rib cage.

"Sorry Xion, but, y'know, revenge!" Roxas shrugged, "Come on, guys! He's down!"

The rest of the Organization lined up, as they took turns stomping, stabbing, burning, ("Hehehe… BURN AUTHOR- I mean, Arthur- BURN!") and otherwise maiming Arthur. As Xemnas approached, stomping on the man, Roxas tapped his shoulder.

"Wait, didn't this guy _defend_ you?" Roxas pondered to Xemnas.

Xemnas laughed wholeheartedly, "Of course he did, I'm _amazing_!"

"Then why are you hurting him?"

"It's all part of my _master plan_…"

Roxas sighed, "You just enjoy hurting people, don't you?"

"Of course I do, little Keyblade wielding pawn boy!"

"That's subtle."

"Of course it is! I'm the generic villain of the series! I LOVE F CKING PEOPLE'S SHIT UP! HAHAHAHA!"

Xemnas continued to mercilessly stomp on Arthur, as the soon-to-be-hospitalized man groaned, "W-why do I- I mean, why does the Author… Keep writing this?"

And because I have a small pool of sympathy for this man, the chapter is over.

… Right after Larxene get's a turn with that toaster and that bath she made for you.

"Why do you hate _meeeee_…?" Arthur spat out.

Haha, no reason. This is just fun to watch.

**NOTE: Noklevername would like to sincerely apologize for the technically-Kairi swearing.**

** GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! Dear Fan Fiction is, give or take, the three hundred fifty third most reviewed fan fiction on! THAT'S A SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENT, YAY!**

**I'm really sorry for the late chapter... And the dissappointing quality behind this one. I'm busy with a lot of projects, one of which is a school project. (yes, I have to write totally-not-fan fiction for school.)**

**I'd love to announce my new one-shot: _Aerith and Yuffie's Yuri Adventure_.**

**Yes, I'm shipping. Yes, it's a parody. No, there will not be any in-story sex. Sorry about that.**

**Here's a preview:**

Yuffie yawned, putting her arms around Aerith, "That was… Great!" Yuffie said happily.

Aerith sighed, "Y'know, its weird… All we do is have sex!"

Yuffie laughed, "Of course! This is a fan fiction! You should be glad you aren't Roxas…" Yuffie chuckled softly.

"What happened to Roxas?"

Yuffie paused, "Well… The story was written by a teenage girl-"

"Oh god."

"I know, right?" Yuffie giggled innocently, "You know what, I'll just conclude with this: Roxas can no longer sit down."

**What do you think?**

**Anyways, this is an in-universe reason that the story is ending. Arthur Stan Din can no longer collect letters for _Dear Fan Fiction _chapters. He lived, but was soon sent to the hospital.**

**Xion decided to send him a letter afterwards. She felt pretty bad for him.**

**Look on my profile for a list of my top-ten favorite chapters of _Dear Fan Fiction_!**


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